Nine Bells: [VOICE/ACTION]

[simplestgift]

[Archie doesn't do a lot of voice posts. They make him feel weird. So he's speaking this one like he's reading it from a piece of paper he wrote out beforehand. Which he is.]

This is Mister Kennedy. As some of you already know, I am attempting to organize a regular goodbye ceremony for the friends and family of those who have been sent home. In preparation for this, I shall need a list of names of those who have gone on. If any one of you has had any person you care for sent home, please tell me their name. These names are to be read aloud at the ceremony.

If any one of you has a suggestion or should like to volunteer help, your aid will be appreciated greatly. The ceremony will take place monthly, God willing, on a day that shall be decided before long. You may approach myself or Miss Dawn Summers about this.

Thank you.

[There's a relieved sigh cut off halfway as the transmission ends.

He'll be outside today, writing ideas and names and plans on non-journal paper, but looking like every movement hurts but still doing it without sound or complaint, as if absolutely nothing is wrong. Later, of course, he'll be at Good Spirits, drinking very, very, very stiffly, as if raising the glass to his lips is painful.]

Comments

[simplestgift]

Well...nothing in particular. I just thought it might improve morale.

[consultmybooks]

"Improve morale"?

...reminding people of everyone they've lost and won't ever see again, wouldn't it do just the opposite?

[simplestgift]

[That hadn't been the idea. The idea had been to give people closure. But Kennedy is insecure enough about this idea, so he struggles with a reply.]

[consultmybooks]

[...Giles gives him a second before he takes pity.]

But this place doesn't really allow for goodbyes, in any case. Maybe this can be a good substitute. Maybe everyone will feel better for a little ceremony, some acknowledgment.

...are you familiar with the habit of writing letters, here?

[simplestgift]

Writing letters? You mean to someone who's been sent home?

[consultmybooks]

To people who are still here.

...some villagers write letters for the day they're sent home, to the friends they're going to be leaving. Saying the things they know they wouldn't ever have said out loud. Apologizing for leaving them. Just...generally wishing them well.

The Malnosso are usually careful to leave the letters for someone to find.

[simplestgift]

I hadn't heard about this. [Though now that he has, he's going to start writing.]

[consultmybooks]

It's not something that's discussed very often. Really, if you have a letter waiting, whoever finds out that the person's been sent home will call you over to get it. That's about the extent of it.

...I wrote some, the last time I was here. Buffy says that they were found.

[simplestgift]

I...I don't think I would know what to say.

[His voice cracks a little on the last word. Because when he goes home, he will be dead.]

[consultmybooks]

[And that's why Giles hasn't written any new ones, yet. Not to anyone but Helios, who knows that he's living on borrowed time as it is.]

Say what you want them to know. Share a favorite memory, or something they taught you. Tell them they were important to you.

They won't read them until after you're gone, so it's not as though you have to worry about speaking with them about it face to face.

[simplestgift]

[There's something about Giles that...well, it's hard to say. He has a most reassuring voice, and he could understand how Buffy came to view him as a father figure.]

Some of the things they should know wouldn't even be important after I left.

[He's thinking about Dawn.]

[consultmybooks]

Would you prefer that they never knew?

[simplestgift]

Yes. [Full stop.] But...but she should know.

[He'll be honest, here, though he's not usually this open. He's taking a risk, but sometimes that has to happen.]

[consultmybooks]

Maybe you should tell her while you're here, then.

Carpe diem. Seize the day. Especially since you could be sent home at any second. [His voice is suddenly, briefly, deliberately flat. Unaffected. Distant. But then he shakes his head and the difference is gone. Back to reassuring.]

But the letters are for things you know you couldn't ever say. Or at least want to be certain of saying properly.

[simplestgift]

[Archie is trying hard to control his breathing, but he has the unfortunate inability to be selectively stoic.]

A-and if you've died? In your own world? Do you think there's anything you can say then that will make a difference to anyone?

[Not a secret he gives to just anyone, Giles. But a talk with Jilly a few weeks ago made him a bit less defensive about such things.]

[consultmybooks]

[There is a long, long pause.

Oh.]

There always is. Anything is better than silence. Even an argument.

...and it could be said that you owe it to the friends you've made here to leave them with something. Especially if you have the chance.

[simplestgift]

[There's a long pause on this end now. When he speaks, his voice is so low it's almost a grunt.]

Yes.

[Another pause.]

Dawn knows. Buffy knows, too. Don't tell anyone else.

[consultmybooks]

I won't. I promise.

[And an equally long pause. A deep breath.]

Helios knows.

No one else can.

Especially not Buffy or Dawn.

[There. Said. Admitted.]

[simplestgift]

[This is the thing. As much as Archie has heard about others who've died in their world, he's never actually heard anyone admit it until now. He understands why, too. Fortunately, Giles, Kennedy knows exactly how to keep a secret.]

They'll never hear it from me.

[A pause.]

How do you do it? Knowing at any moment...

[Locked to Kennedy - 75% unhackable]

[consultmybooks]

...I don't think about it, honestly. Or I try not to. I even agreed to move in with some friends of mine from last time, just so I wouldn't find myself alone in my own head quite so often.

Maybe that's why I've been so...enthusiastic about the boat, even though I frankly hate sailing. It's something that could last, even if I won't. And it might stay here after I'm gone. It isn't just mine, after all - it's Helios' and Ami's as well.

I just...try and meet people and do as much as I can. Try to live as much as I can. It helps me forget for a while.

But there are always bad days. Bad nights.

[Locked to Kennedy - 75% unhackable]

[simplestgift]

[This isn't easy. Not at all.]

I keep telling myself that at this moment, I'm still here. I-I have to make do with this life because it's the only one I have left. No friends from my old world came with me, it's like they're the ones who died and it's only a matter of time before I do the same again.

I think that's one reason I've decided to do this...this party, this ceremony, whatever you want to call it. I-I need something here to work for, a duty, something that will mean something once I've gone.

Re: [Locked to Kennedy - 75% unhackable]

[consultmybooks]

[It's easier for Giles. Because he's not the one seeking help, he never does well when he's the one seeking help.]

It does feel that way, doesn't it? Willow, Xander, and Spike - they were all alive when I left, they might live for a long while yet, but...I'm the one who's never going to see them again, and they have months or years left with me.

So it is hard to remind myself sometimes that they aren't the ones who've died. The feelings are all the same.

...you want to contribute to this village that's keeping you alive no matter how horrible it can be. Because it is giving you a life again. Maybe help other people who are in the same state. Leave something for the people who care about you to remember you by.

Those are good ambitions.

[Locked to Kennedy - 75% unhackable]

[simplestgift]

It...it's always odd to hear people say that. Back home, I'd only be doing my duty. Perhaps your England is different from mine.

[But he wants his England back, as flawed as it was.]

Re: [Locked to Kennedy - 75% unhackable]

[consultmybooks]

My England is very different from yours'.

My world is different from yours'.

[Locked to Kennedy - 75% unhackable]

[simplestgift]

Our worlds are the same now.