Archie Kennedy (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
simplestgift) wrote2011-11-25 10:09 am
simplestgift) wrote2011-11-25 10:09 am
Twenty-five Bells: [Written/Action] Night of the 24th and morning of the 25th.
[The night is chill and quiet, and Midshipman Archie Kennedy falls asleep hoping never to leave this place.]
[The flickering shadows of the room, dancing to and fro with the light of candles, cross his sleeping face. Hours ago, he experienced his first Thanksgiving. He'd seen and tasted and been welcome even when he was too overwhelmed to speak. Everything about the day was beautiful. Everything about these ten days has been beautiful. Healing. He's been quiet, skeptical, waiting impatiently for the other shoe to fall out of this impossibly blue sky, but everything remains serene.
Before he sleeps, he remembers one last thing: the Lieutenant, as he is wont to call his future self, has no idea how good he really has it.
Oh, he knows he has it good, and he is grateful for it. Still, the Lieutenant is more cynical than the midshipman even as he is more cheerful. Why shouldn't he be? The midshipman has only been struggling out from under his reputation for a few months now. The Lieutenant struggled for years, heard the same criticism and more, the same pity and more, the same judgments and more. Now the battle is past, he is so terrified of having to fight it all over again that he sees even his friends as a threat should they learn too much. That fear makes him hold them at arm's length, although he pretends otherwise. Useless, exhausting fear. Sometimes he hides from it. Sometimes he runs from it. Sometimes he looks it in the eye, coaxes it away from the hold, challenges it to a duel, denounces it under oath, leaps with it off a cliff, but it is always there.
Maybe, just maybe, it doesn't have to be.]
[Before bed, he writes in the journal. He does not sign his name, but the camera catches a soft smile on his face as if a weight has been lifted.]
If I am silent, let it be because I do not wish to speak and not because I am afraid to be heard.
[The Lieutenant has always been ashamed of him, as he is of himself. Ashamed to have him as his past, and ashamed that he will not remain there, where he belongs. Perhaps that will change, although it will take a long time. Perhaps he will even learn to see himself as others have described him to the midshipman. You are happy now. Don't ruin it on my account. I wish you, always, the very best of luck.
The morning is chill, but he is warm and the shadows are gone, and Lieutenant Archie Kennedy wakes up a whole person.
For a time he lies quietly in bed, allowing himself to be pleasantly empty. Then, with a soft exhalation, he releases his death grip on his paradigms.
I am safe.
Kennedy believed, as others do, that he knew how the world works. Luceti, though, is not his world. His friends, and even some he never knew before, have seen him at his most vulnerable, and everything was okay. He was treated with decency and sometimes even respect. Always there is danger, but with it a net beneath his feet to catch him. He thinks he understands Guy Burgess' little utterance a little better now--friendship is everything.
I am loved.
This one is harder. Accepting this means he will have to accept that there is something about him to love. That will come in time. Hard to believe or not, it's truth. He is loved, and to deny it is a fruitless insult to himself and, more importantly, those who love him. Loved.
He feels unstoppable.
It won't last forever, of course. It's still a step forward, and he's not quite sure where it will take him. It is, nevertheless, a step that must be taken and a choice that must be made.]
[After cooking an unnecessarily fancy breakfast for himself and his housemate, he writes again on the journal network, in his happy delirium forgetting to stay anonymous.]
It appears I have come up a bit short lately, but welcome to all new feathers. You should be told that if ever you feel unsafe in your own home for any reason whatever, you may speak with someone at the Welcome Center and you will be placed in a safe home for as long as you need.
Moreover, it is a bit late in coming, but those of us more accustomed to 'old world' traditions will be hosting a Christmas feast and ball on December the First. Ungodly early, of course, but we did not wish to compete with the new feather season round Twelfth Night. All are welcome to attend, but we ask you arrive in full dress--formal clothing. Anyone willing to volunteer to help with cooking, decorating, or music would be most welcome.
[After realizing his mistake and fretting for a bit that he wasn't anonymous for the first announcement, Archie will be knocking on the doors of house 7 and the beach house for some unannounced visits. Catch him in between if you like.
OOC note: Any IC questions about the ball that have been answered OOCly can be handwaved if you prefer.]
[The flickering shadows of the room, dancing to and fro with the light of candles, cross his sleeping face. Hours ago, he experienced his first Thanksgiving. He'd seen and tasted and been welcome even when he was too overwhelmed to speak. Everything about the day was beautiful. Everything about these ten days has been beautiful. Healing. He's been quiet, skeptical, waiting impatiently for the other shoe to fall out of this impossibly blue sky, but everything remains serene.
Before he sleeps, he remembers one last thing: the Lieutenant, as he is wont to call his future self, has no idea how good he really has it.
Oh, he knows he has it good, and he is grateful for it. Still, the Lieutenant is more cynical than the midshipman even as he is more cheerful. Why shouldn't he be? The midshipman has only been struggling out from under his reputation for a few months now. The Lieutenant struggled for years, heard the same criticism and more, the same pity and more, the same judgments and more. Now the battle is past, he is so terrified of having to fight it all over again that he sees even his friends as a threat should they learn too much. That fear makes him hold them at arm's length, although he pretends otherwise. Useless, exhausting fear. Sometimes he hides from it. Sometimes he runs from it. Sometimes he looks it in the eye, coaxes it away from the hold, challenges it to a duel, denounces it under oath, leaps with it off a cliff, but it is always there.
Maybe, just maybe, it doesn't have to be.]
[Before bed, he writes in the journal. He does not sign his name, but the camera catches a soft smile on his face as if a weight has been lifted.]
If I am silent, let it be because I do not wish to speak and not because I am afraid to be heard.
[The Lieutenant has always been ashamed of him, as he is of himself. Ashamed to have him as his past, and ashamed that he will not remain there, where he belongs. Perhaps that will change, although it will take a long time. Perhaps he will even learn to see himself as others have described him to the midshipman. You are happy now. Don't ruin it on my account. I wish you, always, the very best of luck.
The morning is chill, but he is warm and the shadows are gone, and Lieutenant Archie Kennedy wakes up a whole person.
For a time he lies quietly in bed, allowing himself to be pleasantly empty. Then, with a soft exhalation, he releases his death grip on his paradigms.
I am safe.
Kennedy believed, as others do, that he knew how the world works. Luceti, though, is not his world. His friends, and even some he never knew before, have seen him at his most vulnerable, and everything was okay. He was treated with decency and sometimes even respect. Always there is danger, but with it a net beneath his feet to catch him. He thinks he understands Guy Burgess' little utterance a little better now--friendship is everything.
I am loved.
This one is harder. Accepting this means he will have to accept that there is something about him to love. That will come in time. Hard to believe or not, it's truth. He is loved, and to deny it is a fruitless insult to himself and, more importantly, those who love him. Loved.
He feels unstoppable.
It won't last forever, of course. It's still a step forward, and he's not quite sure where it will take him. It is, nevertheless, a step that must be taken and a choice that must be made.]
[After cooking an unnecessarily fancy breakfast for himself and his housemate, he writes again on the journal network, in his happy delirium forgetting to stay anonymous.]
It appears I have come up a bit short lately, but welcome to all new feathers. You should be told that if ever you feel unsafe in your own home for any reason whatever, you may speak with someone at the Welcome Center and you will be placed in a safe home for as long as you need.
Moreover, it is a bit late in coming, but those of us more accustomed to 'old world' traditions will be hosting a Christmas feast and ball on December the First. Ungodly early, of course, but we did not wish to compete with the new feather season round Twelfth Night. All are welcome to attend, but we ask you arrive in full dress--formal clothing. Anyone willing to volunteer to help with cooking, decorating, or music would be most welcome.
[After realizing his mistake and fretting for a bit that he wasn't anonymous for the first announcement, Archie will be knocking on the doors of house 7 and the beach house for some unannounced visits. Catch him in between if you like.
OOC note: Any IC questions about the ball that have been answered OOCly can be handwaved if you prefer.]
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She gestured with one hand as she continued. "You know what Jack calls women, right? Wenches?" She smiled. "Lord knows he doesn't actually mean anything by it, but since he found out about...about my past...he doesn't. Not to me, anyway."
Her eyes sought Archie's, reassuring. "If he mocks less, or about different subjects...it won't be because his opinion has changed. It'll be because he cares enough to adjust."
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"Do I look like I want pity any more than you do?"
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Sort of. Archie got plenty of pity, too. Actual compassion or understanding was rare, but he had enough to make it through. He's not exactly complaining, just stating reservations.
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She shook her head, lips pressed together in a thin line. "And whatever else Jack is, he's not cruel." And if she was wrong, more than harsh words would be on the line.
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"And it's not a switch that can simply be flipped, where you suddenly start thinking another way." Her head canted to one side. "But if they knew...
I think it would be okay. Honestly."
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"My dearest Jilly, you must always be a true sister of my heart. I'll have it no other way."
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