It was easier to tell her than Dawn. If he had to say why, he might try to say it's because he knows, for certain, that Jilly will never judge him for something like this. But if he really thought about it, he might say that it's because he's now told this story to three people who've then made it into his list of "completely trusted." The more he tells, the less difficult it is, although it is not easy. Her soft statement causes him to bob his head in acknowledgment, but he can't say anything to it. Not at this moment. He can feel the vibrations beginning in his bones, not yet visible as shaking, but likely to get there.]
I, ah. [He takes another drink of wine.] I told one of the lieutenants what was happening, and he laughed. He said that I was lying, and if I was not, and I was not able to...to handle it, then I was not fit to be in the navy. So I...I gave up. Everyone had given up by then. A-and it continued, until...until I was sixteen. [She doesn't need the details--Simpson being transferred for his acting-lieutenancy, then coming back a few months later after failing his examination. That isn't necessary.] Horatio came aboard, then, and we were friends almost immediately. Simpson...took to beating him more than the rest of us, though he never--he didn't. With... [Okay, this got so awkward just now, and he sets down his wine and clasps his hands to keep them from shaking.] Horatio challenged him to a duel. Just so he could have an excuse to kill him legally. And-and one of the older midshipmen, he used to try and look after us, when he could. He knocked Horatio over the head and fought in his stead, and died that way. It's...not a story I'll tell, but it's important you know Horatio tried to bring this man to justice and failed.
One night we were commanding the jolly boat of a cutting-out expedition, and I was...I was ill, I suppose you might say. [Telling her about the fits is too much for one night. She knows how bad it was without it.] I was lying asleep in the jolly boat and when I woke up, I was adrift, with no one in sight.
[Action]
It was easier to tell her than Dawn. If he had to say why, he might try to say it's because he knows, for certain, that Jilly will never judge him for something like this. But if he really thought about it, he might say that it's because he's now told this story to three people who've then made it into his list of "completely trusted." The more he tells, the less difficult it is, although it is not easy. Her soft statement causes him to bob his head in acknowledgment, but he can't say anything to it. Not at this moment. He can feel the vibrations beginning in his bones, not yet visible as shaking, but likely to get there.]
I, ah. [He takes another drink of wine.] I told one of the lieutenants what was happening, and he laughed. He said that I was lying, and if I was not, and I was not able to...to handle it, then I was not fit to be in the navy. So I...I gave up. Everyone had given up by then. A-and it continued, until...until I was sixteen. [She doesn't need the details--Simpson being transferred for his acting-lieutenancy, then coming back a few months later after failing his examination. That isn't necessary.] Horatio came aboard, then, and we were friends almost immediately. Simpson...took to beating him more than the rest of us, though he never--he didn't. With... [Okay, this got so awkward just now, and he sets down his wine and clasps his hands to keep them from shaking.] Horatio challenged him to a duel. Just so he could have an excuse to kill him legally. And-and one of the older midshipmen, he used to try and look after us, when he could. He knocked Horatio over the head and fought in his stead, and died that way. It's...not a story I'll tell, but it's important you know Horatio tried to bring this man to justice and failed.
One night we were commanding the jolly boat of a cutting-out expedition, and I was...I was ill, I suppose you might say. [Telling her about the fits is too much for one night. She knows how bad it was without it.] I was lying asleep in the jolly boat and when I woke up, I was adrift, with no one in sight.