simplestgift | Seventeen Bells: [WRITTEN/ACTION]

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Seventeen Bells: [WRITTEN/ACTION]

On July the 4th, 1776, one Horatio Hornblower was born in Kent. If you see him, bid him many happy returns. He will most likely grump about it all day and act ungrateful, but don't allow it to discourage you. He does appreciate it, he simply does not know it.

[For most of the day, Archie will be running around trying to furnish a bedroom in the house for a new housemate. He'll end up in the library, Good Spirits, the grocery store, then finally the Battle Dome, mostly staring in bewilderment at the controls before deciding this is too scary and leaving. At some point, he'll also take a walk in the woods, rain or no rain, in shirtsleeves and waistcoat but no coat. After a while, he'll get back on the journals.]

[Filtered away from Grell, 44%]

If you wanted to surprise someone dear to you, to cheer her up when she returned from being kidnapped, what would you do for her?

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Is that...?

[He doesn't want to venture a guess.]

Foster care?

It's where families take in kids who aren't with their families. Temporary, usually. Sometimes the parents adopt.

[a small, sad smile] I'm sure there are good people who do it, but I was never that lucky. You get paid to take in kids, you see. The government gives you money so you can afford clothes and food for them.

...the homes I was sent, they were mostly just looking for a check. They weren't all awful. But they weren't good, either.

[a pause]

I stuck it out for awhile. I mean...there weren't a lot of other options, you know? Until one of the foster dads tried...well... he just had a lot in common with my brother.

We made a deal. He'd let me run away and I wouldn't tell the social worker what he'd tried to do.

[there's shame there. Like with Archie and Simpson, she knows what the price of her silence probably was. She's not proud of it]

I took it and I hid out in the city. Newford wasn't far and it was easy to get lost there, if no one was looking for you.

[At least he hadn't succeeded. It happening once didn't make successive times easier, not in the long run. But a girl on her own in a city? Hiding in plain sight, yes, but in plain sight of new predators. He didn't want to interrupt to ask if she had other family she could have gone to. He's sure if she did, she would have found them.]

I...hooked up with this guy. Rob. I thought he liked me, you know? And I was still pretty... pretty messed up as far as anything physical went.

[she looks down for the first time, focusing on her hands] But we started doing a lot of drugs. It took the edge off, but it meant that half the time I didn't even realize when he...

[she trails off, leaving that alone. She doesn't need to finish the sentence] Anyway. We ran out of food. And money. It's not like we had jobs. And then Rob got...[her eyes close, just briefly] he got the brilliant idea of... [she hadn't expected it to be so hard to say to Archie. But this...this is worse than admitting what happened when she was a kid. All her stupid decisions laid out in front of someone who had truly become family. The real kind of family.

She didn't want to see the reaction in his eyes to this] ...selling. Me. For a little cash.

"Miss Sutcliffe, as you call her, is deadly." Another sip. "I never intended to tell, you know. I kept that secret for nearly six months. It was only Katie who knew, because she saved me. It...slipped out. To Buffy, one night. Accidental."

[So a man who raped and tried to exploit her. If Simpson had tried anything like that, he would have...what could he have done? He's too afraid to ask if she agreed to this, and fairly certain she did not have to.

Even if she'd agreed to it, what did it make her now? After some thought, he decided, the same as she's always been, if she had been anything like he'd been when he'd tried to starve himself to death. But after everything, he cannot imagine her agreeing to it.

That does not make him feel better.]

"She wanted blood, she was going to have it, Jack. She just used you as her excuse that time. Sell the cou, sup the milk. She wants blood and friends. It'll never work. She kept me alive because she likes me. I offered her forgiveness if she wouldn't fight Horatio, you know. She sounded like she wanted it. Forgiveness." He drained the last of his glass and poured a third.

[her voice has gone soft. These years have the most holes in them, for obvious reasons, and yet they were some of the worst.]

I was messed up...but not that messed up. He dropped it. Or, I thought he did. Except then he got a dealer to front him and waited until I was half gone already...and that was it.

[the fight was out of her voice as much as it had left her then] Three years. It took three years to get out, skimming money until I'd have enough to convince him it was worth letting me go.

Except, I didn't have anywhere to go. You aren't really free, at that point. Just a wreck.

That's how Lou found me. He was Angel's boyfriend and a cop and he found me curled on on some doorstep trying to pretend I had somewhere else to be.

...You were adrift. [That's all he can manage to say before his voice gives out.]

Like I said: wait a week. I haven't my uniform yet.

[Wait a week. Wait a month. Wait on the Malnosso.] She was kidnapped, William. The Malnosso have her, for now. I don't know when they'll return her.

I was.

[somehow, she manages to look back up at him. Because here's where their stories line up again. Him as a prisoner, her as...well... a recovering junkie]

I didn't trust Angel at first, but I didn't really have any other options and she found me a place to stay. And then she had to stick out the withdrawl.

It...wasn't pretty. [quite the understatement] I couldn't eat and keep anything down. I didn't want to get up or get dressed or stay clean. And my moods were everywhere. I was angry and depressed and apathetic and violent...

[.....] I hit her. The Angel of Grasso Street and I gave her a black eye. I thought for sure she'd give up on me. I mean...what kind of ungrateful kid does that to the person who's literally picking them up of the ground, you know?

[there's a small smile finally. Not at her own actions, but because she can at least look back on this and see herself as something separate. An angry child that was not the woman she'd become]

I didn't realize a lot of them do. Lash out. A final defense, really, because you already know you can't trust anyone. Except she stuck it out and so did I and, somehow, I finished up school. And I got a job and I started college. Things that should never, ever have been possible.

[This gets William's attention. He spins around, or would, if he wasn't carrying like a stone of blanketing at this point. But he does turn, and he does gape, a bit.] Why didn't you tell me? Where is she? I'm sure Horatio could manage it... [Or at least put a plan together, since he's apparently wounded or something.]

...Don't look at me like that. You make me feel all -- all unreasonable.

[A final defense, because you can't trust anyone. Archie had said such hurtful things to Horatio, back then. He's back to shaking slightly, feeling very, very odd now that, with every word, he's slowly learning he is not crazy.

Things that should never, ever have been possible.

Like a midshipman who had fits becoming fourth lieutenant under a war hero.

I didn't want to get up or get dressed or stay clean.

Horatio shaved me and tied my hair in a queue.

You aren't really free, at that point. Just a wreck.]

It was a couple years but... I found a place.

[she can almost laugh, now, the relief of reaching this point palpable] I'll never be normal, I'm sure. But I'm me. And that's enough.

[His hand tightens around hers. There is a long, profound silence, during which he simply absorbs. This feels like a truly significant conversation, the sort he'll look back on as a game-changer, most likely, once the train of thought it's setting him on plays out. He really, truly is not alone.]

Thank you. For telling me.

[That he's not crazy.]

No one can manage. Not even the strongest or cleverest. Their facility is outside the barrier, and no one can pass through it.

[she just nods. She can't really say 'You're welcome' and she can't quite bring herself to face how this might change things between them. She's hoping it doesn't.

Instead, she's just grateful for whatever relief it might have brought him. Meeting his eyes again, she'll squeeze his hand in return]

[It takes him a second to get it. Then he grins, releasing a soft laugh.]

[ she...doesn't really know where to go from here. this would be an easy conversation if she were just talking to archie-the-guy-dating-her-sister. then she could give him warnings and frown a lot and be severe. it would also be easy if she were just talking to archie-her-friend, because she could be supportive and encouraging and egg him on.

except she's talking to both. which complicated things an awful lot. so she sorts just keeps looking anxiously perplexed. ]

[Okay, that look? Means he has to say something.]

It's her choice, Buffy. I decided that some time ago.

You know, you'd think that would sound comforting. But it kinda doesn't.

[ though deep down, it does. and she appreciates it. but still. ]

[There's another silence. He leans back against the couch, slowly realizing how much he aches from how tense he has been this entire time, but he does not let go of her hand.]

I'm always here, you know. Always. If you want someone who understands.

[As much as he can understand, anyway. That claim doesn't quite feel right for him.]

Edited 2011-07-07 03:06 (UTC)

I'm not going to push her into anything. [Not ever. Heck, he'll be lucky if they ever get that physical and he's not wondering deep down if he's hurting her.]

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